Attitudes and Appetites have Lasting Effects

I do many things in my life. I am an amateur author, I teach martial arts for a living, I founded and operate a Christian Ministry, but really, if you look at my choices in what I do, they are to affect people’s lives and make them better. (I will not argue the point about my religious bent right now, it is something I do to hope for better lives for those who follow my Ministry.) I am also a jokey person. I don’t take myself too seriously and I joke around. My friends know this and my friends joke back.

Sometimes, however, I forget when a joke when not made sure it is a joke to all can have ramifications beyond what a person thinks. How, when I make a joke, if the other person doesn’t know it’s a joke, my joke can leave a lasting effect which can hurt relationships and people. Last night brought all this to realization. Well, really someone’s response to events which occurred last night really brought all this to a head. I made a joke between me and a student last night and I think she took it as a joke (especially regarding her tweets this morning). However, she tweeted something this morning which made me think about how important my relationships are and how one small joke could seriously hurt those relationships.

My student tweeted:

I took it a step further in m mind as well. How one joke can ruin a person’s outlook on themselves and destroy their self-esteem. This, of course, is the absolute last thing I would ever want to do. This whole thing has made me take a hard look at myself and how I live my life. I will definitely have to be more careful to totally communicate with my friends and students when I am only joking. I don’t think I told her I was.

This is a real lesson, not just to me, but for a lot of people. We need to make sure when we are joking, and “teasing”, that people know we are joking. If we are joking around a person doesn’t know those same words and/or actions can become either really offensive or really hurtful. I will try to do better in the future.


Coming Soon!

I am excited to announce Believe Better Ministries will soon will soon be putting publishing a quarterly journal! The first one is featuring, really, only my work as we don’t have any other contributors yet, however, we also are going to accept submissions which means you can send in an article to be published.

The name of the of the journal is Kalytero (Greek for Better/Best) and I am excited for this new journey which I will be going down. This really is something new to me. I have never worked on anything like this before. I have thought about it and even dreamed about it, but never actually done it.

If you want to get involved in the Kalytero or want to know more about what it is head over to Believe Better Ministries website and stay tuned for more information to come out there.

Infinitesimalism is Unending Actuallity

I stand at a cross roads in my life. I have been suffering from deep depression this season. This started out as nothing new. I typically suffer from seasonal depression. This year, however, has been different. My depression has been deep, dark, darker than any previous year. I’ve had trouble fighting it. I have had terrible thoughts this year, thoughts of which I am afraid and slightly ashamed. I feel as though I am losing myself, as though I am losing the part of me which I put forth for others to see.

I am not writing this to complain about my situation, or even to enlighten those I love about it. Those I love, my family and friends, already know, at the very least, something is off with me, if not the whole situation. I am writing this to put out there, in the world, that there are people whose depression this time of year is real. You are not alone. I am not alone. I was taught this lesson again this last week. In the midst of the struggle with depression sometimes we forget, but it is more important now than ever before. As our world seem hellbent on tear itself apart with bickering and backbiting.

I am here, people like me are hear. Two weeks ago, I was reminded I need to talk to people, to put my life in others’ hands as it will help me to continue to move forward. I am going to share something which I typically keep private. I am a Christian, I do not hide this. I have made several posts on this blog and others to identify this fact. (Let alone my other blogs which I write: BBM, BOG, and WM21 to name a few.) But, something I have kept private is my prayer-life. I did a challenge in 2016 to write 366 prayers, one a day for the whole year. Something which is weird, and is the reason why I keep my prayer-life private, is sometimes I feel God talk back to me. Now, I am not go to write a book about it, or a devotional, and if you bring up Sarah Young I will roll my eyes and ignore you, but there it is.

Two weeks ago I was praying to God about the fact I was struggling with depression and He answered me back (not the first time read above). I received a pretty severe tongue-lashing from God about not dealing with my relationships properly in this area of my life. He asked me why I was lying to the man I consider my pastor. (I attend a post-Plymouth Brethren assembly where we have no paid staff whatsoever and no Pastors when referring to the ordained minister type most other congregations have. We do have a Council of Elders and a Deacons Board and so on, but no official clergy of any kind.) Why have I been lying to John Z. about how I am doing when we get together for coffee. He asks me, every time, “How are you?” and my response typically is “Fine,” or “Alright”. This is a lie and it is so every time.

I was shocked. I was flabbergasted, totally broadsided by this. I didn’t think about the fact I was lying to John. It was natural for me to answer this question this way. I, typically, am a private person. I was shy growing up, and my mother is a shy person, so, the natural response about problems is we solve them at home. We don’t air our dirty laundry as it were. The Lord proved to me this was not the best way several years ago, and has been having to work on me in this area ever since. I have been in out of counseling with John over the past decade for many different reasons. He has always taken a large interest in my life and God called my attention back to that.

So, all of this to say, I suffer from depression and am suffering right now. However, I do know the Lord is always there even though I don’t feel Him all the time. I also know there are people in my life who deeply care about me and want to help me in any way they can. This does not always help in the midst of my depression, but it does bring some light into the darkness of situation.

I hope you can find someone to talk to. If you feel like you want to talk. Feel free to e-mail me. I always have a listening ear.

Ides of Unwanted Allusions

Well, I finished a new story the other day (literally just about a week and a half ago) and I am just coming down of the surge of endorphins which always comes with the end of a project. This project was a story which I had retasked from being an Imonoran Empire story into the new Republic story. I’m super excited to see where this new universe is going. I’ve put so much work into the world around the stories that it is nice to see something come to fruition. I’m letting it percolate and stew-down and then in December or January I will put it through its first round of editing. I really liked this story.

I’ve also now had about three months’ worth of stories up on RB’s Universe. I’ve also figured out most of the schedule for the future of my stories on the website.

I’m excited.

I’m still riding the high. I’ve started putting a lot of work in my fantasy stories set in Siravi recently. This is the universe where I am spending a lot of time right now. The Republic needs to be placed on the back burner for a while it will be better when I come back to it in a little while. Siravi is my fantasy universe where magic humans, dwarves and the like stand side by side. It is something I’ve been working on it for a while and have been enjoying the prospects of the universe. My stories which I am writing in this universe will be fun.

I’m looking forward to (American) Thanksgiving which is happening this week. It is going to give me a chance to take some time off and relax with the family. I hope you all out there in the digital noosphere are doing well. Have a happy Thanksgiving.

A Walk Among Filtered Expectations

OK, I am now looking at my fiction. I’m looking at what I write, but more importantly how I write. This has not been easy for me (as it is probably not for most writers). I have been writing since I was a young boy (most of it not good) and I over the years I have grown a lot, not just as a writer, but as a person.

With putting my fiction in a space where is being made available, I am looking for feedback! I have a few ways you can engage with me for feedback: you can follow me on Facebook, you can e-mail me, or  you can simply comment on one of my blogs – either RB’s Universe or here. I do hope you choose to engage, because I need this feedback. I’ve grown to the point I need to see what my audience would like to see. I am working with a friend who teaching me a lot, but what do you think.

With all that being said I do realize there is only one story up on RB’s Universe. This Friday the second story will be starting. It will be delving into more of the universe which is my main universe, and that is the Imonoran Empire Universe. A lot of the upcoming stories is simply putting out my backlog of stories. If you’ve followed me for any length of time (especially those who have followed me since the Imonoran Empire Cast) you will have heard (or possibly read) some of these stories. Some of them are special to me, some are just stories I’ve written forever ago. (Speaking of IEC Lost Falchion will be coming out on RB’s Universe. Currently it is planned for late January through May of next year.)

Once we get down the road a pace I will be excited to be putting out new fiction. Some of it is the stuff I’ve been working on now, Some of it I haven’t even written yet.

Anyways, the whole reason for this post is because I want your feedback on RB’s Universe.

Thank you so much!